I am coming to the end of leading two weekly book discussion groups of A Marriage that Changed the World: Lois and Bill Wilson and the Addiction Recovery Movement. For over three months I’ve been meeting with one group on Sunday morning and another on Monday morning, one in person and one on zoom. As we read Chapters 18 and 19 about Bill and Lois’ final years this past week, I was moved to tears several times. 

I have deep gratitude and admiration for what both Lois and Bill gave to the world and But because Lois has been so underappreciated and misunderstood, I I am frequently moved to highlight my awe of her faith, resilience and wisdom. This week’s post shares why we all have a lot to learn from Lois and Bill and their marriage, and from Lois particularly.

Lest you think these are the exaggerated musings of an author, let me assure you that is not the case. Reading the book with a group is like a fresh epiphany for me.

Chapter 18 is entitled The Final Days of the Wilson Marriage. It begins with the celebration of the Wilsons’ 50th wedding anniversary. Because Lois and Bill were both prolific writers and Nell Wing and others were wise enough to save their writings, we have the words they wrote to each other after 50 years of marriage. Bill stated simply: “Of all my blessings you are the greatest and most constant. God has been so good to us and most especially in his gift of you to me. I love you Lois, Bill.”

Lois, the creative woman and artist, used poetry to express her love for Bill. She prefaced her poem this way: “Today completes our 50 years together – 50 years of deep and sustaining love …. You led so many people to find a new life and your devoted wife was among the first to follow your lead.”

Her 50th anniversary love poem was an update of a poem she wrote in 1918 in New Bedford, Massachusetts before Bill was shipped out for WW I service. She compared the poems exchanged to spring robins singing about their “spring love”. 

“The robins sing ‘Tis Spring,’ dear heart,
But you and I are old.
Still as we’ve tread
Where the road has led
We’ve sung the song they told.

The robins sing ‘Tis Spring,’ Dear One,
Our guiding Father above,
For fifty years.
Thru smiles and tears,
Has warmed us with His love.”

(Permission is required from the Stepping Stones Foundation for any further use, display, or duplication of the following material from its archive.)

Sadly, Lois had only three more years with Bill. His lifetime of smoking was having its impact as he developed emphysema. Lois attended to Bill until his death. She was dismayed that she was not woken in the night to be with Bill when he died at 11:30 p.m. on January 24, 1971. They were at Miami Heart Institute trying one more treatment under the care of his A.A. friend Dr. Ed B.

Lois’ deep faith and the intimate spiritual journey she shared with Bill is evident in her recalling the devastation of not being with Bill: “The missing of him would come later. But the hurt of not being at his side at his supreme moment was immediate. Why was I not called? Bill and I had shared so many of life’s adventures; now when the door opened for him into the greatest of mystical experiences, I was not there.”

After all the memorial events and so many cards and notes, Lois was left with her grief. She sat in the room where Bill and Lois gathered for séances and tried to communicate with Bill. Nothing. Eating was difficult. Yet she began going to her meetings and trying to reengage.

Her friend and surrogate daughter Nell Wing helped her when she asked about the Annual Family Picnic at Stepping Stones. It was March 1971 and there were no plans for the June picnic. Nell reminded her: “Hundreds of Al-Anon and A.A. members and their families are anxiously waiting to hear from you. To see you. To be with you one more time.” Lois held the picnic. She welcomed her friends with tears in her eyes.

Lois continued to serve Al-Anon and A.A. for the next 17 years until her death in 1988 at age 97. In 1972, she took a two-month tour of A.A. and Al-Anon meetings around the world, bringing encouragement and hope to members in Johannesburg, Durban, Sydney, Hong Kong, Japan and Honolulu.

Lois modelled what it meant to be an “elder” member of Al-Anon without dominating or trying to control. 

Lois led from the heart. She cared deeply about people and passed on the message of love and service for almost a century. May we all learn from her commitment to recovery for individuals with alcohol problems and their families.

Note: Stepping Stones is holding the 75th Annual Stepping Stones Lois’ Family Groups Picnic this Saturday June 6. All are invited to participate in person or on zoom. Details at https://www.steppingstones.org/visit-events/events/.