I’m increasingly aware of the challenge of accepting losses as I age. This week’s post is about “necessary losses” and my experience in making peace with them.

Tom Adams
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I’m increasingly aware of the challenge of accepting losses as I age. This week’s post is about “necessary losses” and my experience in making peace with them.
In March, we pay attention to the contributions of women to history and our communities. I wrote last week about three courageous women who influenced history. They each teach us how to step up and follow our hearts and values.
I find myself amused and dismayed at times about how much there is to learn. Yet, when I overcome my resistance to learning and change, I experience more joy and connections in my life. Paying attention to Women’s History Month is an opportunity to keep learning and to deepen connections.
I’ve been in several conversations recently about how to respond to the direction our country is heading. It is scary – there is ample evidence of that. This post is about the challenge of individually and collectively deciding where to focus our response and what actions to take.
History has a way of not always telling the whole story. Women’s History Month is a great time to celebrate two women who changed the world humbly, not seeking credit or recognition. Anne Smith and Lois Wilson whose birthdays occur March 3 (Anne) and March 4 (Lois) are unrecognized world changers.
Whenever there is pain in America, Black people and other People of Color get a larger slice of it. We are in a period where our government seems committed to reducing resources for those in need in order to make them more available to the wealthy. The headlines scream of the many pain points in all dimensions of life – employment, inflation, services for those in need, international relief and coalition building. Each of these pain points traditionally impact Black people and other people of color more.
Writing a book is full of surprises – some that are delightful and others that are what you might call challenging growth opportunities. Beginning with this post, I will share some of what I have learned. By far, the greatest joy is the many people I have met and their generosity in sharing their experiences and wisdom. Each of them enriched my life and I hope to add depth and light to the book, A Marriage That Changed The World, for readers. (Now available on Amazon.)
This year Black History Month, beginning February 1, demands a second look and fresh eyes. I’ve written in past Februarys about how it is easy for we white people to see Black History Month as not about us. We may give polite acknowledgment or attend an event or two. But we have minimal emotional investment. But if there was ever a year to pay attention to Black History and to what is happening to people different than us, this is it!
When I first began to confront my misuse of alcohol, successfully sober people told me things that seemed either irrelevant or naïve. Why would they invite me to “keep coming back?” What in the world does it mean that “the first drink gets you drunk?” or “God can do for you what you can’t do for yourself.” Perhaps the most puzzling was: “We’ll love you until you can love yourself.” What does loving myself have to do with getting sober? It was 1980. I was 31 years old, and I didn’t think my drinking problem was that bad. Then a near calamitous auto incident led me to question how my drinking was impacting my family. That led me to attend a few Twelve Step meetings where I pronounced myself “not that bad.” Fear got me there and fear kept me there long enough to realize my drinking was bad enough. It could be that the most compelling thing they told me was that misusing alcohol is a progressive illness. My drinking and its negative consequences will get worse.
Our holiday season is coming to an end. We’ve heard messages of hope, light, joy and wishes for happiness in the new year. Today’s post presents some reflections on different ways I experienced these messages this holiday and possible implications for daily life.