“We need each other. Race matters. We need each other. Black lives matter.” And what is mine to do? That question is for me the most important and hardest. It is the question Francis of Assisi, the saint the current Pope chose to be named after, asked of his friends as he was dying: “I have done what is mine to do. Now it is up to you to do what is yours to do.”

George Floyd was buried yesterday. Don Lemon on CNN talked about Mr. Floyd’s “going home”. He talked about his mixed feelings of sadness and hope. He asked his friend and other anchor Chris Cuomo how he was feeling. Lemon, an African-American man and Cuomo, a white man, modeled the importance of talking regularly and openly with our families, friends and colleagues about racism. Racism, they reminded their viewers with passion, will not go away through avoidance and denial.  Their message is that “we need each other” – to take risks, to be honest and compassionate, to support the change that is needed. And they ended saying “I love you” to one another.

I posted last week that I felt it important for me to learn more about what it means to be white and privileged and about structural racism in America. And to speak up for change. Naively I thought I would start by doing a post every day or two about conversations I was having with other whites and people of color on these topics and invite friends to share their experiences and learning.

After two posts, I am exhausted. Sunday when I did my second post, I realized partially the energy it takes to show up for conversations about race. As a white, I can opt out. For people of color, they are expending this energy every day to survive. And for those people of color brave enough to speak up and work for change, the emotional and psychic costs are not comprehensible to me. 

I now know why, when I ask a person of color to partner on some effort for change or to help educate me, I get that, “I’m tired of this” look. And sometimes, as last week, in a Linked-in post, one of the bravest and most public African American advocates for an end to structural racism I know, posted she had no words. She had no energy to speak about the ongoing atrocities. She wasn’t done. She was exhausted. She needed a space.

The thought of working on a third post and a fourth helped me appreciate how working for racial equity and change in America is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.

I also realized that this is the moment where I and all whites can easily opt out. This is emotionally and intellectually hard work. It requires changing our belief systems. Many of us have learned some things about being white that aren’t true. We also have not learned some things about race relations because we had no place to learn.

A good friend of mine was fond of reminding me regularly about why the antelope walk side by side in the jungle. She would smile and say: “It is so they can blow the dust from one another’s eyes.”

So I intend to keep posting, less frequently than originally imagined. I hope to blow dust from my eyes and that you will help me blow the dust away for all of us. Since this is a life-time run, I am reminding myself to breathe, smile even in the pain and heaviness, listen closely and learn and act for change on what’s mine to do today. Thanks for paying attention and sharing your experiences as you are moved.

This post was first published on June 10, 2020.