Happy Thanksgiving! This year there is much for which I am grateful; that includes you as a reader of Critical Conversations. Thanks for checking out these posts and sharing your reactions. Knowing that you read and consider my words gives meaning to the creative process!

Today’s post will briefly explore the complexity of Thanksgiving and why it can result in many mixed feelings. I note how gratitude fertilizes my connections to others, particularly family and friends, even those who I have a hard time with.  

My involvement with the Greenbelt Reparations Commission made me aware of how Indigenous People and Native tribes were exploited and erased to make possible the “American Dream”. Earlier this month PBS began airing a 12-hour documentary The American Revolution directed by Ken Burns. Watching the first episode and learning that the Native Tribes were organized with a federation and governance structure akin to what the white man “invented” is eye-opening, as is the intentional claiming of land occupied by Native communities. Our Thanksgiving myth is not the whole story. The whole story demands acknowledgement and that harms be addressed.

Spiritual author Richard Rohr often reminds his readers of the importance of employing both/and as opposed to either/or thinking. For example, there are many wonderful things about America that co-exist with atrocious injustices that have harmed, and continue to harm other Americans. These harms need acknowledgement, and where possible, repair. 

The happy Thanksgiving family gathering is also a both/and proposition. Sometimes family gatherings are full of love, recalling family stories and legends, and great food. For these times, we are all grateful.

At other times, a recent loss, a family disagreement, or the weight of daily living make attending a family dinner a chore at best, or perhaps, something to be avoided. Having experienced both kinds of Thanksgivings, I believe both are normal and perhaps unavoidable. 

While challenging, it is possible to be grateful for the hard times. Experience and time teach that each hardship can lead to some new freedom and even unexpected joy. A long life offers the choice to accept life’s messiness, and practice being ok when uncomfortable. 

Thanksgiving brings an opportunity to take stock of the many ways love is growing in our lives. Practicing gratitude and learning to accept others makes connecting with family, friends, and all people easier. 

I’m grateful that this year I find myself growing closer to those I love – family and friends. I look forward to family gatherings and observing the many ways love gets expressed. They include grandchildren: the two-year-old twins playing with trucks, the tender moments with the six-year-olds, and the young adults sharing their life experiences.  I also savor time with Gerladine and our children.

Right after Thanksgiving, we will attend a family wedding of a nephew. He’s my brother John’s son. John died two years ago. His spirit is front and center at every family gathering. John was by far our best family storyteller. And his experiences jumping freight trains to go to Haight Asbury, working in apple orchards in Washington state, and hanging out in Santa Barbara made many a Thanksgiving dinner full of laughter. The joy and connection were inescapable. 

John didn’t take life too seriously, and frequently encouraged me in different ways to “lighten up. “Tommy”, he’d say in his unique Maryland drawl deepened by too many years of smoking, “don’t take yourself so damn seriously.” 

Grieving the loss of John, and sharing memories with my siblings and family have brought us all closer. John experienced both challenging and joy-filled Thanksgivings. Despite life’s ebbs and flows, his heart remained open to love. His spirit persisted while living in joy and peace. 

Thanksgiving is an invitation to double down on gratitude for the love we have in our lives today. We pray that love continues to grow through the thoughts and actions we choose each day.