Happy summer’s end and fall! Thanks for supporting my time off from Critical Conversations. Today’s post is reflections on my time off this summer.

First, by way of context, you may have figured out that I like to stay busy. The first challenge in taking much of June, July and August off from writing, book outreach, and volunteer commitments was to face why it is so hard to slow down and take time off. Perhaps you’ve asked yourself that question?

For sure, our culture and use of technology 24/7 makes quiet seem like an elusive dream. And for some of us, activity and work become a compulsion. It is part of proving we have value, avoiding intimacy and things we fear. We find a niche and throw ourselves into it, and it becomes our “god.”

When I got involved with Workaholics Anonymous over a decade ago, the first thing that got my attention was the notion of putting relationships before work and activity. It was painful to look at how often I made a work or volunteer commitment more important than a family gathering or spending time with family.

Spaciousness, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, means “the quality of being large, roomy, and having plenty of physical or mental space.” The opposite of spaciousness for me is being overcommitted and so busy there is no physical or mental energy left. I am full, with no ability to adjust to putting relationships first in the moments of day-to-day life.

For me, spaciousness is a spiritual challenge. My busyness keeps me in charge and doesn’t make room for LOVE/Higher Power/God. From repeated experience, I’ve learned this doesn’t work. Part of taking time off this summer was to see what LOVE wanted to say to me and teach me.

That turned out to be quite a surprise and, in many ways, made all the other gifts of time off possible. In sitting with my resistance to slowing down and being uncomfortable at times, I realized how hard it is to trust LOVE’s guidance in each moment. My busyness is my way of trying to protect myself and hold on to the myth that I am in control of my life.

I’ve had the habit in recent summers of rereading The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence, a 17th-century monk. His ideas are very simple—be in God or LOVE’s presence each moment and make that your deepest desire. As I enjoyed our local outdoor pool, I reflected on Brother Lawrence’s notion of having “high regard” and “high esteem” for God. Busyness gets in the way of that.

In The Sacrament of the Present Moment by Jean Pierre de Caussade, Caussade takes Brother Lawrence’s present moment further, suggesting the only concern I need to have is the present moment.  This notion is difficult for me. How could I fantasize about my ideas and big plans if I am living moment to moment?

The biggest gift of my time off was the realization that if I trusted LOVE and LOVE’s guidance in the moment more, there is a whole lot less to worry about. This deeper relationship with a Higher Power allows me to love and trust myself more.

The gift of attention to the present moment, letting go of fear, and trusting made it possible for me to better put relationships first. Geraldine and I had a delightful summer with family and friends. We enjoyed an 8-day cruise of the Great Lakes with her sister and her husband. We were in remote parts of the US and Canada and could see the majesty and purity of God’s creation and be in awe together.

We spent a week at the beach with our four children and grandchildren. We hung out with our 30-month-old twins and their 19-month-old cousin. There were two seven-year-old cousins getting to know each other and having fun. We enjoyed time with our college-age grandchildren and the oldest of them, who is out of college and off to Texas for his first job.

Each moment is precious. When I can make space for it. I am grateful for the invitation to do that this summer and the grace to say yes. As we head into September, I am immensely grateful for Twelve Step Recovery, which over four decades ago started me on this spiritual trip. September is National Recovery Month. I look forward to highlighting recovery and its focus on relationships over the coming weeks.