Tom Adams
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The holiday season is a wonderful time to explore how we experience love. Families remind us of the presence of love and where our aspirations to love fall short. This post is a start at sharing some of my ideas and beliefs about love and loving.
For me, gratitude is an acquired taste. For many years, my negative thinking blocked my feelings of gratitude; it actually took me years to pay attention to gratitude and its benefits. Thanksgiving is a good time to reflect on the journey to the benefits that can result from greater gratitude.
Kathy died. I knew she was going to. I had known for almost a week. She had suffered a series of strokes over her last month. The last was a major brain bleed that killed her brain. Over the course of that week, she lost all brain function and eventually died. I knew she was going to die, and I surprised myself at how calm I was during that week. It wasn’t until she died that I came apart. Somehow, as long as she was alive I knew I would be as strong as I could.
Love is God’s way of sharing God’s self with His creation. God’s love permeates all that is known and unknown. When the human element enters, love becomes more complicated. We are called to love as God loves, yet because of our sinfulness, we fall short. My journey of learning to love and being loved has been a long and arduous trek. It is comforting for me to know that the One who created me is also the One who loves me unconditionally. Other people might want to substitute Higher Power or another name for the divine.
A mutual friend, Shelley, frequently refers to Doris as the “sage of Cumberland.” She holds Doris in the highest esteem for the same reason I do. We both met Doris in a Twelve Step meeting and she became a sponsor or guide for each of us in working the Twelve Steps. With Doris, we both felt like we had won the lottery. We couldn’t imagine someone more kind, loving and wise.
Four friends, Geraldine and I were feeling the muscle pains from four days of walking the spiritual pilgrimage in Spain known as the Camino de Santiago. It was mid-day and we were all getting hungry and were ready for a lunch break. On previous days, we had found small coffee shops or bakeries along the route where we had lunch and a much-needed rest. Today, there was no sign of such a place. Our map reading leader suggested lunch might be delayed until our next destination, three or more hours further along the path. We shared the little bit of fruit and trail mix we had. I began to get a little grumpy with this prospect, making the muscle pains talk louder.
The last few weeks I have reflected on noticing and its power. Today I’d like to continue that theme in the context of traveling. This past weekend Geraldine and I drove to the mountains of Georgia on the South Carolina border for a family wedding. If you like details, google “Clayton, Georgia,” “Tiger, Georgia,” and “Long Creek, South Carolina.” It is a beautiful part of the world, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains.
I am learning that what I choose to pay attention to shapes me as a person. And it has started me wondering if what we all pay attention to shapes us as a community. Several recent experiences have shone a light on this truth.
While I heartily agree with the direction President Biden is heading on most issues, I am troubled by his recent announcement that the U.S. had used a drone to kill Ayman al-Zawahiri, the current leader of Al Qaeda and one of the masterminds behind the 9/11/2001 terrorist attack. The New York Times reported President Biden as saying: “Justice has been delivered, and this terrorist leader is no more.” The President reminded us of President George W. Bush and his promise, reiterated by his successors, that the U.S. would track down and get retribution for those involved in 9/11, no matter how long it took.
Pope Francis’ recent penitential pilgrimage and visit to Canada to meet with indigenous communities and to apologise for the role of the Catholic Church for abuses sustained by children in residential schools was a step forward. It was long overdue. Over the course of several days the pontiff traveled to various sites and expressed his heartfelt remorse over the past wrongs that Catholic clergy and laity had committed over the course of the 100 plus years that residential schools have operated in Canada.
Tom Adams writes and speaks on topics vital to the intersection of our personal lives with our community and global lives. He has for decades been engaged in and written about nonprofit leadership and transitions, spirituality and spiritual growth, how we each contribute to a more just and equitable world and recovery from addictions and the Twelve Step recovery movement.